During my latest bout with insomnia last night, I watched a re-run of the always brilliant "Chappelle's Show." He had a skit called: "When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong." It was hilarious, of course, but it got me to thinking. When should I keep it real?
My girlfriends and I talked about this at our latest gab fest (aka monthly Pokeno/Bunko game). How women don't keep it real with their friends. You know, like when you go out to dinner with your gal pal, she orders a dinner salad, takes one bite, and announces, "I'm stuffed." You just know she goes home and dives face first into the Fritos with an ice-cream chaser. Wouldn't we be closer friends if told said gal pal: "Girrrrl, I know you are not full. Now get down on some cheese fries before we snarf up our super burgers." Quick aside: my Pokeno/Bunko friends are some of the real-est people I know -- we all love our second and third helpings and our kids are not perfect.
So, in the name of establishing my realness, I'll start. My kids are not the smartest, most beautiful, most athletic, most well behaved girls on the planet. They mess up. They bug the crap out of me at times. I yell at them when I'm tired and bitterly regret it later. I am not the perfect wife, mother, daughter, employee. I nearly went bonkers when the girls were newborns, and breastfeeding (even though I stuck it out for a long time -- 6-yr-old was 18 mos. old before she weaned herself) was like a Bataan death march. My favorite activity is watching TV on my DVR. I'm too impatient for the commercials. I can curse like a sailor and have heard my kids say those same words with my exact inflection. My house looks pretty clean at all times, but please don't look in my drawers or my closet. It's a mess in there. I adore corn nuts, funyuns, and any other white trash food that is sold at your local Quik Stop. If you peeve me, I'll tell you right then to your face. It's difficult for me to accept a compliment. I love crass, funny movies that generally appeal to post-adolescent boys. I'm moody. I like shortcuts -- in driving and in life. I need too much sleep and get cranky if I don't get enough. I don't wash my bras after each wear. The hubs, however, is pretty awesome. Truly. No lie. No artifice. He's a blessing to us three girls in the house.
So, in general, being real does not scare me. It's where I live. Where my realness and reality collide tends to be when I am confronted with a jerk. It happened recently with a family member actually yelling at the 9-year-old about her behavior. Believe me, any sort of chastisement to 9-yr-old was not warranted in that situation. Do I keep it real and rip family member a new one? Or do I let the hubs take care of family member and get 9-yr-old away from jerk? I yanked 9-yr-old out of the way and let hubs deal with it. Family member came over later to half heartedly apologize to the hubs, but I'm not sure I can forgive. Family member didn't see 9-yr-old's silent tears. Should I now keep it real and tell family member not sure I can forgive? Or should I just seethe quietly as I have done in the past with this and other family members? If this was my Hughey/Holley family, I could easily say "back off" and it wouldn't happen again. But this other family is masterful in the art of passive/aggressive communication.
We get to spend a "glorious" week with this family member next month. Not sure I can stop my realness from erupting all over family member. And, as Dave Chappelle pointed out, if you establish your realness, the other person may show you that he/she can keep it real-er. Not sure I want to deal with that.
Any thoughts would be welcome. I'm at a loss about what to do. Note: not going on "glorious" trip next month is not an option. Doesn't matter why, it just really isn't. Dear reader, this will not be my last journey down the keeping-it-real road. Generally, keeping it real and society at large are not a good combo. I'm sure my realness will come up again.
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I always keeps it real! That Chappelle skit is greatness!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I never read blogs! But this one caught my attention and I really enjoyed reading it.
However, I have no advice on the jerk. I ALWAYS make those situations way worse! I will be in prayer for the family.
Jon
I don't have any advice, just wanted to say that I think I actually have a pretty good idea about where you're coming from. I just avoid, avoid, avoid. Even when we're together, I avoid. I wouldn't say that's the best way of handling it. It's my thorn in the flesh -- I need more grace (hey, that's what the sermon was about today -- it's definitely worth getting the podcast).
ReplyDeleteOh, and I don't wash my bras after every wearing either.
Honey, I completely get your situation. I have done the confrontation thing with most of my hubby's siblings and parents. Most have ultimately come back and apologized to me (which I have accepted b/c it's the right thing to do), but I can promise you there's a difference between forgiving and forgetting. That may make it a little better to get through?
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, if you can't avoid going on the trip, my best advice is to try to just steer clear of any confrontation as best you can. Be gone a lot - with the girls. Put your hubby on alert for "that signal" that shows he must immediately step in and provide you a gracious exit or there will be hell to pay. I just got my father-in-law out of our house after a 10 day stay here, and it was hell defined. He lives in Hawaii now...not far enough for me.
I'm w/Clarissa...if you weren't at church today (I literally cried through the entire sermon), get the podcast or watch it livestream. But, just do the best you can to keep yourself above the fray. The best revenge is living well. Always try to do the right thing as best you can. You don't have to LIKE these people - just survive and co-exist. Let me know when you're going and I will put you at the top of my prayer list. How stressful for you - in a situation that I am sure is supposed to be fun and relaxing. Sigh.
Hugs!
I don't normally read blogs but saw your post on FB. Thanks for keeping it real. I tend to be myself and assume others do the same, but as you know, not everyone shows their true self. I just heard a podcast yesterday with some advice on conflict resolution. It was good and had some good advice. It's the "Love One Another" series by Chip Ingram if you want to give it a listen. I took notes if you just want the basic summary. Just let me know. One thing I will tell you he said was that "Conflict is like cancer. It grows, multiplies, and destroys." He also said to be the initiator in conflict resolution. Not sure if this helps any but prayer is probably the best solution. Hope all goes well for you.
ReplyDeleteDiddo to Clarissa's last comment.
Kristin