CRRAAACK!

My cheapness knows no bounds. My neck has been killing me for almost a year. I know it's because my pillow is not the right kind of pillow for side-sleeper me, but who wants to spend $100 on a durn pillow? Anywho. . .it got to the point that I couldn't turn my neck when I was driving. Surprisingly, that's a safety hazard. So I figured I needed to do something. I had gotten massages for it, which were great, but the pain would just return the next day. I took the plunge and called a chiropractor.

He's something else about me: I am skeptical about some types of medical professionals and what they can actually do for you. Maybe it's a result of seeing too many med mal cases. Not to say that there aren't some great doctors out there, but I digress. Chiropractors have always made me think "snake-oil salesmen," but when you're in as much pain as I was, you swallow your pride and step into your nearest stip mall for an "adjustment." I swore, however, that if he tried to give me vitamin "supplements" (although I wouldn't turn down some Vitamin V) or balance my chakras, I was out of there.

He was very nice and told me he could fix me in about 5 sessions. Score one for the doc--I hate it when they tell you that you need a complete 2-year course of treatment or until your insurance runs out. Then he says: Have you ever had an adjustment before? Me: Well, no but I've had massages. Doc: Heh, heh. This is a little different. So I'm on my stomach on some sort of medieval table that has a slit for my face (fully clothed--another point for the doc). He takes my chin in one paw, presses down on my neck with the other, and yanks my neck to the side until I can see the heels of my feet. The sound, my goodness, the sound! It was like CRRAAACK. The bad thing is that I squealed like a little girl at the top of my lungs. You know: Eeeeeeeek! The doc: Wow, we've got a screamer here.

I have NEVER screamed, yelled, or begged for mercy at any type of doctor (including when I had my daughters). I moan, I utter a dignified "ouch," but I NEVER yell. But this was the most shocking and most disgusting thing I have ever heard. Nobody's body should make this sound. I said to the doc: Please don't paralyze me because I need my legs for later. The doc: Heh, heh. Then he proceeded to CRRAAAACK it again. He kept doing it until my spine begged for mercy (me too) and he couldn't get it to crack anymore. I limped out of there, took four Advil, and went to sleep. Yes, on my crap pillow.

The great thing is, though, my neck feels great. I've had another adjustment, and will get another one after vacay. I totally dread it, but I can actually turn my neck without uttering a dignified "ouch." After my second adjustment, I had a horrible day. I mean, a low-down, dirty-rotten day. My main concern was not the instigator of said rotten day, but that it was making my newly acquired, easy-to-swivel neck tense up. Who knew turning your neck without pain was such a luxury?

I am now on the hunt for the perfect side-sleeper pillow. I shall force myself to pay more than $30 for it if it means I won't have to hear CRRAAACK or how girlie my squeal is.